Night Vision
"But you see in the dark because
dark and light
are the same
to you."
Psalm 139:12
This prophetic word is for those who feel invisible and that God is distant...
Dark places and dark spaces. Nothing makes sense, everything is chaotic and one thing after another hits wave after relentless wave. It’s tempting to lose faith here. This sort of danger zone of emotional deluge begs the questions, “When will it end?” and the belief that “I just can’t catch a break!” settles in. Even the happiest thoughts turn sour and the bitter taste of negativity feels awkwardly right, rotten desire, twisted passion. How did I get here? It’s wrong for me to think this way, but I can’t help it. I can’t see anything good, only darkness. Any perspective of what I know is good turns to deplorable fault-finding and impossibility. Oh my God, where are you? I can’t see you. I can’t see myself. Can you even hear me? It’s like I’ve begun to wear the darkness, and its heaviness has begun to intertwine itself into my skin. I don’t even remember what’s me and what’s not me. This must be how Frodo felt with the ring, changing him for the outside in. Yet, I can hear you calling me from deep inside. Within… With IN. The pressures outside are drowning me. I keep looking outside of myself and pouring out, and giving away and I am empty. You want me to look within? In? Why in here? It’s only me in here. I don’t know who I am anymore, so why should I look in here?
You see! That is exactly why you should look in here. You’ve seen everyone else, taken on everything else, and have gone to every place else. You forgot to fill your lantern with oil. You forgot to feed yourself. You dabbled in everyone else’s issues so much so that you didn’t see your own importance. Each time, your light grew a little more dim. Even in the darkness, I am your light, your source of hope and your provision. Feel the warmth of my presence chase away the coldness, the hard heartedness. The light of my love for you burns brighter as it consumes the dry and unfruitful branches you’ve accumulated. I am here. I know you can’t see me. Close your eyes. Close your eyes in the dark and imagine me holding you close. Yes, imagine the darkness fleeing in terror as the light of my love grows brighter, stronger all around you, in you. I am here. I live IN you. I am not some entity that exists outside of you only. Your body is my temple, a most holy sanctuary to me. When you speak to me in the darkness, you allow me to shine. When you sing to me in the struggle, my presence and power release creative surges of life-giving force. I need you. I love working here within you. Discover me here in the darkness. I want you to see and understand my light, because not even darkness can overcome it. In fact, darkness wonders and stands in awe, utter bewilderment as to what Iight is. I am the light of the world. I am your light. See me. Significant things happen in the dark. Growth. When a seed is buried, it longs for the light. The outer shell cracks under the pressure of the heavy, wet soil. From within, the seed reaches out for the water, for the light, for the nourishment and then begins to push. From within it burrows toward the light, moving, growing, advancing, even in the dark. Shed. Break through the shell. Let what you knew before fall away. I’ve planted you in this place because of what’s inside of you. I need you here. I made you beautiful and luscious, deep and strong, full of substance and sustenance. You are in my garden. Enjoy what I want to do in you, and also what I will be using you for. I will use what I put in you to give others what they need from me. I am with you. I am in you. I am here for you. Percieve me in the dark. I see you.